Dealing with differences

I just saw that Target commercial with the two roommies who become best friends while decorating their respective sides of their dorm room, and my first thought was “Oh, if only.” Maybe if my freshman year roommie and I would have had Calabria 2008 blasting in the background while we hip hop danced our way through the unpacking process, we would’ve gotten along better? Maybe, but probably not. Meeting your roommie for the first time can be tough, especially if you don’t instantly feel a connection. You’ve been thinking about this moment of first contact for months (maybe even years!) and if it doesn’t turn out the way you imagined, it could add even more stress and anxiety to your life.

 

But don’t freak out! Pinky swear, it’s not that serious. You don’t have to be best friends with your roommie to have a positive 1^st year experience. As long as the two of you respect each other and respect each other’s space and stuff, things should be okay. This may seem tough if you and your roommie are totally different, but that’s not entirely true. You automatically have two things in common: you’re at the same school and you’re both ‘the new kid.’ Navigating the process of figuring out where things are and who to go to for what with your roommie can be a great way to forge a bond between the two of you.

 

The important point is to have, and keep, and open mind. This sort of situation can give you an amazing opportunity to learn, both about your roommie and about yourself. Living with someone who is totally different from you for a whole year can expose you to all sorts of new things like foods, bands, movies, lifestyles, etc. And at the same time, you can develop new tastes and interests based on what you learn, and start to understand the types of things that you can and cannot tolerate.

roommie drama 101

there are few things that produce more anxiety in college-bound students than thinking about their future roommate(s). the thought of living with a complete stranger (and hating it) is enough to make some students contemplate being commuter students or living off-campus from day 1. this is entirely understandable, seeing how most of us have never had to live in such close quarters with anyone outside of our own families before… and sometimes we don’t even get along with them! people usually jump to the worst possible scenario (“what if i HATE them?”) without considering that it might be cool to live with someone who they’re never met before. (you might even get to like them!) even though problems are bound to arise between any roommates, even those who are BFF beforehand, it is probably not a good idea to enter the situation knowing that you’re going to hate it (or the other person). because you probably will, and you definitely won’t give it a chance. being open-minded is always a good thing.
despite even the best of intentions, issues will come up that will need to be addressed. below are some of the more common roommate disputes that i had to resolve back in the day when i was a resident advisor (RA).

• tidiness: one roommie is bothered by the general cleaning habits (or lack thereof) of the other. sometimes the cleaner one was a bit OCD, but other times it was completely valid… & completely disgusting!
• noise levels: one roommie is louder or engages in louder activities than the other.
• study habits: one roommie needs complete silence to study while the other needs the tv, ipod, & radio on in order to function.
• bf/gf issues: the double becomes a triple when one roommie gets into a relationship.

while all situations (listed or not) are different, there are a few general ways to fix or even prevent them.

• headphones: this is usually the simple, easy answer to roommate drama, especially when it involves noise and studying. my frosh year roommie and i had different tastes in everything, but we managed to survive together thanks in large part to the fact that everything that emits a sound has a headphone jack.
• roommate contract: sounds really corny, but it’s definitely helpful. at the beginning of the year, you and your roommie fill out a sheet with what you agree to do in order to make the dorm space comfortable for both of you. agreeing to things like ‘i won’t bring people over past 10pm on a weeknight’ and ‘i won’t hit the snooze alarm for an hour’ will help your relationship get off to a good start and help you become a more considerate roommate. your RA might have these, but there are downloadable forms that you and your new roommate can fill out together.
• mediation with RA or other res life person: when a serious issue comes up, it is best to talk to your RA (or the equivalent). RAs know the residential life rules the best and can help you and your roommie make the best decision about your future.
• roommate swap: if it gets that bad, then look into switching rooms… provided that there are some available.

it is important to note that most problems can be solved through open communication between you and your roommate. in most of the roommate mediations that i was part of, the issues were those that had been festering for a long time. if something that your roommate does annoys you, don’t just wait to see if they change it, because they probably won’t. speak on it the first or second time so that you don’t blow up at them the tenth or eleventh time. in other words, try to fix it in september so that you’re not fighting about it in march.